Love

We Get 5 M’sian Millennials To Reveal Their Harshest Breakup Story

A great physicist once said, “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”

Love is a huge part of one’s life but unfortunately, so is loss. Most of us have our own unique story of how we fell in love, and eventually out of it.

We got 5 Malaysians to share their heartbreaking breakup stories:

1. Alexa*

Sometime during that one year of uncertainty post-breakup, he gave me a bracelet. I somehow lost it—it just slipped off my hand one day and I didn’t notice. I was pretty upset, but I think that’s what that relationship was to me; something I really treasured, but it wasn’t meant to stay with me for very long.

I was 15 when we started dating. It ended when we were 18, but our relationship status was “it’s complicated” for one more year after that.

I thought I was going to marry him. I know, sad and naïve, but when you’ve heard stories of it happening, you think yours is going to work out too.

I liked him for his intelligence and wit. I still find those two traits attractive even now.

We were walking in a mall once, and Faith Hill’s “There You’ll Be” was playing, and he started singing it to me. He’s a terrible singer, but I remember being really touched by it. I realise now though, that song isn’t really meant for a current relationship—it’s almost like a breakup song where you’ll always love someone, but they’re not really a part of your life now. Should have taken that hint maybe, haha.

It’s the same old story. It became a long distance relationship because he went overseas to study, we started to grow distant, we fought more, I felt like he wasn’t putting in enough effort to talk to me. There was once he called when he was drunk, and said things like he loves me, he’s sorry and he really misses me.

I wanted to keep going. He was supposed to be the man I was going to marry. I ignored quite a few warning signs, like friends dropping hints that he wasn’t entirely faithful and my own gut instincts.

When he said “Let’s break up”, the first feeling I had was relief. I think I didn’t have the guts to even say it myself. The best part was, we broke up online, on MSN (old-school!).

The very next day, he was messaging me again, and the thing is, nothing changed. He was still affectionate, he still said things like “Love you”, we still talked often (and with less fighting, maybe because the pressure of the relationship was off).

We broke up for real about one year later, when he told me “I’m dating someone now”. That was the true end of the relationship for me. It was a complete bombshell.

The breakup hurt, but what hurt more was actually a few months later, when I was about 21. I got definitive proof that he had been cheating on me at various points throughout the relationship.

It hurt my own self-esteem more than anything else. My state of mind was, “I’m so inadequate that no one will be faithful to me when we date. They’ll always turn somewhere else for more.” Took me years to get out of that mindset.

2. Alia*

I still keep the letter he gave me as we broke things off.

He was a lecturer at my old university. And in case you were wondering, we only got together after I graduated haha. We were together for most of 2016.

I was just looking for someone to waste my time with at the time, and he was just trying to get over a long distance relationship that tanked. But since the first date, we really hit it off and things got serious quite fast.

The problem? He was in Malaysia on a work visa. No matter how good we were together, our relationship was always a ticking time bomb. He never wanted to stay here forever, and I couldn’t leave Malaysia at the time, couldn’t leave my family behind during what was a pretty bad time.

It was a casual relationship that accidentally got serious.

We had good chemistry together. We bantered and argued about current topics all the time, all in good fun, and he was one of the very few guys I’d been with who had a quick wit and a piercing sense of humour. But the biggest bonus was how respectful he was of me. He was much older, and I’d never felt more taken care of in a relationship, which made me want to return the favour in kind.

We broke up basically in the middle of a great relationship. The clock struck 12, and it was time for Cinderella to fly back home.

Since his last bad breakup was the tail-end of a long distance relationship, he never wanted to consider it for us. He thought it was better if we ended it before there was any resentment or regrets kick in. He said he wanted to remember me fondly.

I guess I never tried to convince him either. After all, long distance is a bitch. I’d seen a few of them implode spectacularly horribly.

So we broke up because we gave up before even trying.

Our last day was the first time we ever said “I love you” to each other. Before, it was felt rather than said. Maybe because we knew that the relationship had a deadline, we wanted to make the parting easier. Well, a fat load of good that did.

“I love you” was our goodbye, and he flew back.

What hurt the most was during that final talk, when I asked if there could ever be a future for us. He entertained me, and we played out a scenario that could never be, bringing up possibilities of marriage and kids, playing out the possibilities. That stung a lot.

He left off saying “I’ll forever always think about ‘how will Alia fit into this?’ whenever I want to decide anything about my life” which honestly haunted me for a long time.

We’ve lost touch since, a little on purpose on my end because it was too painful to stay friends. I don’t know if he still harbours these thoughts or if he’s moved on, but that relationship will always be the one that got away for me.

3. Qistina*

This movie reminds me of my relationship. 

It started off during my diploma days, semester one.

He had a crush on me, but I had no idea who he was at that point. He got in touch with me through my classmates, and with a little convincing from my friends, the rest is history. We were together for 6 years plus.

I think the one thing that made me attracted to him is probably his sincerity. He loved me for who I am, loved me at my worst, and was so patient with me. At some point, I did see my future with him. Getting married and all. We’ve already had everything planned out.

It’s pretty cheesy but he sang Swear This Time I Mean It- Mayday Parade for me in the car on our second date. Nobody ever did that to me and I thought that it was cute. That song will forever mean something to me. And now I avoid listening to it because it brings back so much memories.

We’ve been together for a very long time and it was one hell of a ride.

Year on year, we started to show our true colours and it was really up to us whether we want to accept the flaws and move forward.

We tried, but at some point I had to re-evaluate things. Like is this really worth jeopardising my mental health?

Well, over the years our relationship has always been on and off. We started to argue all the time, over silly things, the littlest things possible.

We’d take breaks but we will eventually get back together in the end. My friends kept on telling me that this relationship has become toxic and that I’m no longer happy. But we were still pretty much in love with each other. I know breaking up will be the best for both of us, but deep down I didn’t want to lose him.

Two months ago, my grandma got really sick and was admitted to the hospital. I was so depressed and wasn’t really myself. I shut myself from everyone, including him. I thought out of everyone, he would understand and just give me time and space. But he didn’t. He was being insensitive about it. He said I didn’t care about him, I didn’t ask how he was doing and all. And finally, he said, “You think you’re the only one going through this? Everybody’s grandma gets sick. It’s no big deal. Chill.” I think that text just broke my heart and I decided that this is it. I cannot do this anymore. So, I ended it through text. My grandma passed away a week later and he still feels bad until today.

He said a lot of hurtful words. He started to blame me for everything, accusing me for being someone that I’m not, and got really mad. He said that it was all my fault and I was being immature for wanting to end this relationship. I could’t bear reading all the hurtful things he said, so I shut him out. I blocked his number. So, it basically didn’t end well.

The one thing that hurts the most is the fact that I’m still in love with him. I wish things turned out differently. I lost my best friend, my lover, my everything. It hurt most at times when I’m feeling down and needed someone to talk to, but he’s no longer there. And I no longer have someone I can call home.

4. Ryan

This quote reminds me of what we had.

I first met my ex in November 2015 in my university when I just started my degree. We met on a gay dating app called Jack’d.

It was the first time I ever explored my sexuality and I didn’t know what to expect from it.

When I first saw him, I was shy and very timid as this was the first time I met anyone who was gay. We went for dinner at Nu Sentral because it was the mid-point before we had to switch trains home.

After a few more dates, I asked if he would like to be my boyfriend, but he wanted to take it slow due to a bad experience in the past.

We dated more and the more we did, the more we fell for each other. The relationship lasted 9-10 months.

I remember still staring into his eyes and kissing him while cuddling him in bed. It was special to me because at that moment I felt loved. I felt that I wanted to stay in that moment forever. It was bliss really.

But as with anyone else, being in this relationship changed me. For better or for worse, who knows? But to me, I felt that I couldn’t give him what he deserved out of a partner.

I felt that I was burdened by a lot of things at that time. I was also facing a lot of mental health issues where I felt depressed and stressed a lot of the time. So, I felt the breakup was due to me taking out on him and wanting to be alone. It was a selfish thing for me to do to hurt him like that and not tell him the real reason why. To this day, I still miss the relationship we had and if I could undo it, I would.

5. Pei Qi*

Image Credit: HD Wallpaper

I got together with this person in 2011, we were working together, the relationship didn’t last long, about half a year.

He was quiet and quite mysterious. We bumped into each other again by the beach and we bonded over music and food. I wanted to see where it went.

It was gradual. Whenever we hung out, it always made me feel like he was obligated to be there, he wouldn’t want to be with me alone, he would get upset at me when I stood up to his friends who were rude to me. I didn’t know they were warning signs, I just felt that that was how he is and I just accepted him for who he is. (He genuinely is a person who’s got a strange personality.)

I don’t like being ghosted. For me, everything happens for a reason but I’d need to know that reason, especially if it can be explained to me. I felt really hurt that he didn’t pick up my calls nor messages, so I went over to his place, knocked on the door and asked for him.

He took a long time to come out, but eventually he did. I asked if he was sick, if he needed to see a doctor (I was wondering if that was the reason why he went AWOL), then I eventually asked if it was something I did. He avoided the topic, but I kept asking.

I remember saying “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, I deserve to know. It’s ironic because I feel alone despite being in a relationship.” He then said that he doesn’t love me the way I love him anymore and that he’s in a confused state as he’s just broken up with his ex before that.

That he simply doesn’t love me the way I love him.

* Names have been changes for privacy purposes. 

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